I have been feeling that way lately. I have been blogging over three years now and still don’t have a clear direction about what my goal is or even what I should be blogging about half the time. I love making stuff and taking pictures but the whole business aspect, finding sponsors, etc. is just so hard!
At the risk of alienating my readers I am going to express some of my reservations I’ve been having about blogging lately.
I’m in several Blogging Facebook groups and to be honest, I don’t feel that comfortable bringing up my reservations about my blog in my groups as I already feel like the odd one out sometimes. I fear I might be a downer and alienate some of the members. Then they won’t ask me to take part in their blog series’ and pattern tours anymore because they will realize I’m actually kind of lame, and then I will fall further into blogging obscurity.
I also have a problem with envy. It seems everyone else has a pattern line, book, and fabulous sponsors except for me. Of course, I have no one to blame except my own laziness for not starting a pattern line, writing a book, and pursuing sponsorships. Maybe I don’t want to be a professional craft/ sewing blogger after all. Or maybe I do.
If you blog, you probably already know how exhausting it can be to build your online social media presence up. There’s Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and the blog itself to update on a regular basis. There are all of the link parties to link up at, which can end up being very time consuming. Then there is the pressure to go visit blog friends and leave them cheerful, witty comments so they don’t forget you exist. Sometimes it’s just plain hard maintaining a cheerful attitude and leaving comments on others blogs containing lots of enthusiasm and exclamation points. Am I the only blogger who feels this pressure?
Then there is the annoying sense of failure I have when I visit a blogger who just seems to have so much happening, and has so many more followers and comments than little old me. And everyone is so ENTHUSIASTIC all of the time! It just feels sometimes like I’m always comparing myself to others instead of doing what I should be doing: Making things and enjoying writing about it. I’m way too old to be having these feelings that bring back all of my old feelings I had in the dark ages of my life: high school! I pretended not to care then that I wasn’t popular and people thought I was wierd. I donned a tough girl exterior and became one of the bad kids. But I did care. I thought I had evolved and was way past all of that stuff. But blogging sometimes brings back those feelings of insecurity from those days. Like when a blogger you know online has an amazing month long series and doesn’t invite you to participate. Or like during Project Run & Play when I was convinced the dress I made Gigi was the most beautiful thing ever, and I got voted off for it.
I have many blog friends who actually have something to sell, and think of their blogs as gateways to their online businesses. But I just can’t seem to get my act together enough to figure out what I should sell myself. I probably should be developing a pattern line because I was trained to make patterns at school, but I’m just not detail oriented enough to follow through with it. Plus, I would have to learn how to use Illustrator which seems really hard! There was the brief stint as an Etsy shop owner selling upcycled cashmere baby sweaters and then the furniture painting business I started but didn’t follow through with. Not to mention the teaching gigs I got but didn’t build on. I need to figure out what it is I need to do.
All of these things have happened since I started my blog. Before that I was content being just a housewife and mom. But blogging created something new in me. Could it possibly be that I have developed ambitions and I’m not happy because I’m not pursuing them? Maybe. Should I keep blogging for fun and as a hobby or perhaps seriously try to start some sort of business? How does everyone else do it? I’ll be homeschooling my daughter this year so I guess I will just have to let things unfold as they may and as God wills. Maybe I need to pray about it.
For those of you who may have just stumbled over here and don’t know anything about me, I can assure you I’m just having a self indulgent post here. I don’t normally go on and on about myself like this.
But there there is the nagging feeling of guilt in the back of my head that I’m wasting my time blogging. That I’m being a narcissist and neglecting my family. That I’m doing all of this for the attention of the world outside. That I have an unhealthy need for attention.